*Cough Cough*
Time to remove the Dust and Spider Webs.
Hey Guys,
I know I haven't been blogging for a while, this is mainly due to studying (-__-) and my blog not working! =/ But I'm back now. *Celebrates*
Today's post is about Re-evaluation. Pretty self explanatory right? Well, Yes! I'm going to try make this as brief as possible as I know I tend to do a lot of essays. [My apologies] =) But this idea has been on my mind for a while and I thought I explain a little to you.
Basically almost coming up to a year [Started in Summer'11] I've been on this process of trying to understand myself more, I've been dealing with a lot of personal shit, and I've been trying to figure myself out and what I'm really about. Practically for more than a year I became very quite, more withdrawn from others and extremely moody and I could never figure out why I was like this; on some occasions. But I was. And the funny thing about it was that I was EXACTLY that way at school as well as at home. I felt very alone and felt like I had absolutely NO ONE to talk to. But you must be asking yourself "Don't you have friends and family to Talk to?" Don't get me wrong your right for asking this question because i Do have friends and family. BUT; I'm a Very private person and due to my self-pride I find it hard to talk to anyone about anything. I'm still kinda one of those people that believe in;
- My business is not for the ears of others,
- Your not worth me telling you about my life
- Or just its pointless because you cant help me
- You'll never be able to relate to my situation
I know in some ways this type of attitude is good because it means your business doesn't become the topic of the week. On the other hand, the negative side of this is that you become less expressive with your emotions and we all know or have been told that its not good to bottle your emotions. The effect of it could be quite serious. Now I'm not saying I went LOCO but I did end up being very snappy, more rude, boring and negative and this too had an impact on me as well.
Anyways, the type of people I was surrounded at the time were hard to figure out, there was some you could talk to and some you couldn't. But the one thing I didn't like in which a lot of people tend to do whether they realise it or not is, passing on the information. Even though SOME may not be doing it in a bitchy way, they're just informing another friend, in which is cool, but I'm just one that hates things like that. That is one of the main reasons why I don't talk to anyone.
Plus I was being observant of others in which I will openly admit because at the end of the day, I needed to know what game your playing because I didn't want any part what so ever. Especially if it inflicted negativity or gave me problems.
Now with My Family; first of all I have a small intermediate family that I'm around more due to the fact they live in London. But a large family who live in mainly Birmingham and Bristol whom I barely talk to because many of them aren't close to my age range and I have barely anything in common with them. My parents, I don't talk to about my life just because I don't. But also I will openly admit, me and Mother have a very bad relationship, were too much alike so we basically butt heads and long story short its just hard to speak to her.
Again I say ANYWAYS ...
In the Summer time my Aunty from America came over and was spending part of her holiday in the UK. Long story short we had lunch I pretty much just let everything out, she is and probably will be the only person in my life that knows a lot more about me and how I feel about certain things. I literally cried to her about so much regarding my life and what was on my head. She really helped me get through it by providing me with the support and love I really needed at the moment. But one thing she did in which I will be forever thankful was that she told me about myself. Particularly, the time when I was younger. Believe me when I say this really hurt and it was the most shocking experience for me because I never knew how people may have saw me and what I did. And you could pretty much say i had an Epiphany.
So the Question is; How have I Re-Evaluated myself?
Well first of all I started to be honest with myself, about EVERY THING even the things I didn't wanna face or e
ven admit, I just slapped myself [Not literally] and just told myself the truth. I also began to open up a little bit more to certain people and not about my little Epiphany but just certain things. Has this made a difference you ask? I don't know tbh. I hope it has for myself as well as my friends and family. Another thing is I've been a little bit less moody and more cheerful and playful with everyone. This makes me laugh to be honest because the comments I get at College shows that they noticed my behaviour the year before. Even though I was independent I've become more independent and little bit more positive. I try to be honest to myself every day. And overall just try to be happy.
I know that what I have explained to you is pretty much minor but remember this basically a brief outline. If you experience it from my perceptive then it may have been more understandable. Either way i hope this long arse essay has enlighten you in some way.
If you have any Questions or would like to ask some advice comment below.
Keep Posted. #Peace☮Love❤&Unity'12
